disrupted

and so she came back.

and what's a girl to do?

i mean, after all, she came back, and again I am awake. this time, however, not feeling terrible. i am not upset, not worried. not crying. i cannot explain what i can only percieve as an unwillingness to take in what has happened. i cannot make out which one of the two of us i am protecting. maybe my heart. maybe her place in it. i really thought she was gone. she was there tonight and i could feel removed from her and then, she was there.

my love for her is not logical. not sensible nor in any way good. yet i will never again deny that it's there. it's so warm, so complete that i no longer fear thinking of it. instead it leaves me completely calm knowing that i can host these unconditional feelings for another human being. i suppose i feared myself incapable of it before (aside my immediate family).

i love you. jag älskar dig. inga krusiduller. fullständigt förutsättningslöst.