life kernel

there are currently a lot of concerning self-image issues surrounding your presence. i don't like myself around you, yet i still want nothing more than to be near you. you see, whenever i start freeing myself from your being someone else always steps in and tells me not to. just not yet. just in case. and it's never in case i'll benefit from hanging around, but it's always for your sake. and still, i have loved you too much not to heed to such pleas for your (future) well-being.

and then, of course, i need to study. and spend time with my friends. and start looking for jobs. and, well, i suppose one day fall for someone else. today though, i suppose you're not showing up. if you were, i suppose i would know somehow. yet, one day, somehow, we're going to need to find a way to speak to each other again. and in a way you're trying, i know, but i'm not there yet that i can speak of insignificant things with you. it appears oh so false somehow.