so i am awake

not only when i ought not to be, but when i don't want to be. and yes, it's because of you.

i want you out. i want you gone. from me and how i define myself. from my teary eyes. from my distorted mind and self-image. clean out of my heart. du är som en vagel i mitt förblindade hjärta. i was whole before i met you. my vision was clear and untwisted. now, i am not even sure that there is a point in seeing at all. why won't you go? i do not want you here. you do not want to be here. so you see, there is no point in me being awake.

but there is a problem. you didn't simply rock my world. you disrupted the entire galaxy. you are so beautiful that my eyes go wet and choirs sing. whether you are with me or not, your composition disrupts entire systems. it has been so since the first day that i saw you. it will be so until the end. this is not a love poem. although the heavens know such items exist. this is merely a fragment of the never-ending flow of words saying that i need you gone. but i cannot find the door to let you out and so i am awake. with those two pages of the book that was written in advance of your being to emancipate my feelings, i am awake.